In The Mourning
by Luuh2311
Summary: Is it possible to find love in grief? Edward lost everything that mattered, but the loss brings him Bella. It's hard to believe in fate, when the actions that lead you there are horrible. But she's his fate.
1. Chapter 1

I was resting on the on-call room, when my pager went off. I groaned, sat up, grabbing my white coat. I checked the pager.

"Shit" I hissed running.

It was from the ER. I took the stairs, running; it would be faster than the elevator. When I got to the emergency room, I entered the room where the mess was.

"What's happening?" I asked putting on gloves.

"We're fine here!" a doctor said, starting compressions on the woman. That didn't look fine. "There is a kid in the other room!"

I ran to the other room, and grabbed the chart a nurse extended.

"5-years-old, female. Car accident" I mumbled as I read, and watched the med students.

The girl was small, with blond hair. She was all bloody, and unconscious.

"She wasn't wearing seatbelt!" I turned at hearing my dad's voice.

"You know her?" I asked approaching and checking the vitals.

"No. I attended the accident scene" dad said.

"I need you to wait outside"

"Bella…"

"I need you to wait outside, Chief Swan" I said forcefully.

He nodded, still looking at the girl and walked out.

"Broken ribs. One punctured the lung" a med student informed.

"We have internal damage" the other said.

"Get an ultrasound" I asked Nurse Weber who ran out, "Vitals?"

"She's stable"

"That's impossible" I mumbled.

I got my penlight, to check her pupils. It was impossible for a child this small have that damage and be stable. I flashed the light in her pupils, and cursed.

"Who the fuck said she was responsive?" I yelled. "Call a neurologist! Now!"

"Irresponsive?" a med student asked.

I nodded and checked her vitals.

"Her heart rate is wrong" I said.

"It's normal. A little fast, but normal for the situation" the med student said.

"Heard of 'calm before the storm'? This is the case. No one would have such heart rate when so damaged"

Angela got back with the ultrasound, and a neurologist followed.

"What do we have?" he asked tiredly.

"She's irresponsive. Her vitals are too calm for so much damage" I informed.

He called a fellow from neurology, and they evaluated the girl, while I checked the internal damage.

"Call surgery!" I demanded, "We have internal bleeding! Say it's urgent"

"Her intracranial pressure it's too low" the neurologist informed, "I'll join the surgery"

The surgery residents came, and took the little girl to surgery. I changed gloves and sterilized apron and went to help with the woman.

"Needing help?" I asked.

"Change with me please" the doctor said.

He pulled away, and I took over the compressions.

"Clear!" another doctor called.

I pulled away and he defibrillated. We watched the monitor. Her heart beat a couple times normally, and then… The beeping turned into a continuous sound.

"Asystole" I called starting the frenetic compressions.

They put away the defibrillator, and the nurses started to rush with drugs.

"Epi is in!" a nurse said.

After two minutes, I was panting for air, and still nothing. Another doc took over and I caught my breath while watching the monitors.

"Should I inject another dose of epi?" a nurse asked.

"Try norepinephrine" I said.

"It can give neurologic damage" a doctor disagreed.

"Epinephrine isn't working! I think it's better a damaged living woman than a dead one!" I shouted.

"Give the damn norepinephrine!" he called to the nurse.

After almost five minutes with CPR and drugs, we still didn't have response.

"Time of death" a doctor sighed and looked in the clock, "2:37"

We all took our gloves off, and a nurse disconnected the machines. A doctor asked the med students to close her up, and I got out, yanking the bloody yellow apron. I threw it in the garbage, and walked to the waiting room. Dad was still there. He got up and looked at me expectantly.

"How's the girl?" he asked.

"In surgery. But not good. She has internal bleeding in the abdomen, a punctured lung, and probably neurologic damage, she had intracranial pressure low" I sighed, "I'll check on her soon"

"Alright. Thank you"

"The woman died" I said running my fingers through my hair, "We spent the whole time trying to resuscitate, but we lost her"

"I know it sounds insensible, but I can't be sad by it" dad said.

"Dad!"

"The woman was running, Bells. Like she was running from hell. She had alcohol in the car! And a little girl in the backseat without car seat, or seatbelt!"

I sighed, my dad sometimes got too emotional with things at work.

"Did you contact the family?" I asked.

"One of the officers is trying to get information"

"Okay" I sighed.

"You seem tired"

"I've been working for almost a whole day"

"You need to rest, Bella"

"I need to work"

"Stubborn" he said amusedly. "Coffee?"

"Sounds like heaven, dad" I said smiling weakly.

I got to called the pediatric floor, informing I had been in the ER, and that I was going to get some coffee, anything page me.

"I asked them to call you" dad said as we got our coffees. "I needed the best pediatrician to the girl"

"Thank you, dad" I said smiling, "But there wasn't much I could do"

"You did everything you could?"

"Of course"

"Then it's alright. You did everything you could, you're just human, Bella."

We finished coffee talking about a thanksgiving party. When we finished, I got back, and called the surgical floor.

"Yes. I'm Doctor Swan, I'm from the pediatric floor, and attended a little girl in the ER. She was sent to surgery about an hour ago" I informed the nurse who answered.

"She's getting out, Doctor Swan. We're sending her to ICU. Should I inform you're her doctor?"

"Yes, please. Thank you" I said.

I hung up, and turned to my dad.

"So?" he asked.

"She's getting out of surgery. I'm her doctor. I'll go check on her"

"Good" he mumbled and sighed, "I got the family information"

"I'll call them" I sighed.

He gave me the information he had and I dialed the number.


	2. Chapter 2

The phone rang and I groaned. I looked in the clock, and frowned. Who would be calling at four? I searched for the phone blindly and when I finally got it, I was still half asleep.

"Hello?" I grumbled.

"I'm looking for Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes, that's me" I mumbled.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry to wake you, but I need your full attention. It's serious"

"Okay" I said more awake.

"There was an accident…"

"WHAT?"

"There was a car accident. Your wife and daughter were in the car"

"Oh, my God" I said jumping from bed.

"Mr. Cullen, I need you to come to the hospital"

"Yes, of course. I'm going" I said grabbing my jeans.

"Forks Memorial"

"Forks?" I gasped, "What the hell?"

"The accident occurred in the outskirts of town…"

"Alright! I'm going. Is… Is she alright?" I said swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Ahn… Mrs.… Tanya?"

"No. Not Tanya! Is Ashley alright?"

"Ashley, the girl?" she sighed, "She's just out of surgery, Mr. Cullen. I prefer to tell the rest in person"

"Oh God" I groaned fighting the tears. "I'm going. Thank you"

I hung up, grabbing my wallet, cell, and keys and ran out of the house in Crocs, jeans, and PJ's shirt. I drove top speed to Forks, trying to see through the tears in my eyes. This couldn't be happening. Ashley should be safe, sleeping, at home, I would wake up, make her breakfast, get her ready to school, go to work, get her from school, help her with homework, make dinner, play with her, put her to sleep, and start all over again. The only consolation was that she was still alive. In the hospital but alive. When I got to the hospital, I ran inside, and the nurses in the reception looked at me with concern.

"My… My daughter… She was in an accident… Surgery…" I mumbled between gasps for air.

A nurse quickly rounded the counter, and held my arm.

"Sir, you need to calm down. Take deep breaths" she said. "Calm down, and I'll help you find your daughter"

I took deep shaky breaths, but it wasn't working. I bent down, my hands in my knees, my head spinning, tears falling, my stomach turning.

"Doctor… Swan? She called, she's my daughter's doctor" I mumbled.

"Okay. I'll get her" the nurse said.

I heard her calling someone, and she asked another nurse to get me some water. She extended me a plastic cup with water, I took it, and just stared at it.

"Mr. Cullen?" someone asked.

I looked up to the woman, a doctor. She had dark brown hair, pulled into a messy bun, big brown eyes, with purple marks under them, showing her tiredness.

"Edward?" she gasped. "Oh, God. I should have realized…"

"I'm sorry" I said shaking my head, "What?"

"Oh. Sorry. I'm Bella Swan. We went to high school together" she said shaking my hand.

"Oh" I mumbled, "Sorry, I just…"

"It's alright" she said.

"Ashley?"

"I'll take you to her room" she said nodding for me to follow her.

I thanked the nurses and followed her slowly, dragging myself.

"Where the fuck is Tanya?" I growled as we waited for the elevator.

"Your wife?" Bella asked shocked.

"My ex-wife. What the hell was she doing!"

I was furious. She took Ashley from my home, ran with her and almost killed her!

"Mr. Cullen… I… I'm sorry" Bella said softly, "Tanya died"

I stared at her in shock and exhaled slowly.

"Holy shit" I whispered.

"We tried everything, but her heart gave up"

"Okay" I said, "I'll get you the family information…"

"Okay? What?" she asked shocked, "What are you saying?"

"Oh. It's not that I'm not sorry for her. I am. It's just. God, I hated the woman. She was making my life hell, and my daughter's life too. She could have killed Ashley"

"Oh. I see" she mumbled and we got in the elevator.

"So, Ashley?"

"I won't lie, Edward" she sighed, "Is it okay to call you Edward?"

"Yeah, better"

"Alright" she took a deep breath, "She came with a lot of cuts, she wasn't using seatbelt, and she flew out through the windshield"

"Oh God"

"The impact with the ground was very strong" she sighed, "She has broken ribs, one punctured her lung. Her leg is broken too, in two places, we just found out in the surgery, when it started to swell. Internal bleeding in the abdomen, damage in the kidneys, liver, pancreas. And her intracranial pressure was too low…"

"What?" I whispered brokenly. Tears running down again. I knew what she meant. I knew too well. But in the moment my brain wouldn't process the information correctly.

"There wasn't enough blood being pumped to her brain. We had to open and…"

"Open?" I gasped.

She nodded weakly and the doors opened. She put a hand in my back, guiding me. We stopped in front of a room and she motioned me to go in. I got in and just stared. That wasn't my daughter. That couldn't be her. That couldn't be my beautiful Ashley. Not this girl with tubes from her chest, mouth… Not this girl with half her hair shaved, and a bandage in her head. Not this girl wrapped in gauze almost her whole body. This girl that wasn't smiling, wasn't laughing, wasn't looking at me with her green eyes, like Ashley did. My Ashley couldn't look so fragile, hurt, broken. My Ashley was full of life.

"Edward?" Bella asked.

I sniffed and walked to the bed, and sat in an armchair, that had a blanket over the arm. Bella walked to me, and pulled the blanket, folding it.

"Sorry. I was sleeping here" she said, "Will you want it?" she asked extending the blanket.

I shook my head, staring at the little girl. My little girl.

"What…? What will happen?" I asked in a whisper.

"We can't do anything for now, Edward. We have to wait. The neurologist that took care of her will be here soon, to check on her, and then we'll have more to tell you. But for now, there isn't anything to do. We put her in coma, it would be too much pain for her to be awake. It would be worse"

"How long?" I asked.

"Everything depends on her recovery"

"So, basically you don't know how long she'll have to be like this?"

"Edward, I know it's not you want to hear, but… There is a big chance she won't wake up. The damage in her brain… It took too long to fix the intracranial pressure problem, so she spent a lot of time without enough blood going to her brain"

"Brain death?" I gasped.

"It's a possibility"

I took Ashley's hand gently, and rested my head in the bed. I prayed. I wasn't religious, but I started praying.

After a couple hours, the sun was peering through the curtains, and I realized I should call people. I shakily got my cell, and dialed my parent's number.

"Hello?" mom answered.

"Mom, it's me, Edward" I sniffed.

"Edward?" she asked alarmed, "What's wrong?"

"I-I… Ashley is in the ICU and…"

"What?" she shouted.

"Tanya took her, and got in a car accident. I… Tanya died, and Ash… Mom, please, I need you" I said crying again.

"What hospital?" she asked and I heard dad alarmed asking what was going on.

"Forks Memorial"

"Forks?" she gasped, "Oh, god…"

"Please"

"We're going" she said.

I hung up, and wiped away the tears.

"Breakfast?"

I looked up and saw Bella sitting in the corner.

"You were here all the time?"

"Yeah" she shrugged.

"Sorry, I didn't even realize…"

"It's alright. I should have gone home, but I decided to stay and wait for the neurologist"

"Thank you"

"I'm going to get coffee. Want some?"

I shook my head, and she walked out. I ran the back of my fingers through Ashley's cheekbone carefully, and got back to praying. A few minutes later, Bella came back and extended me a cup of coffee.

"You need it" she said softly.

I nodded in thanks, and took it, sipping it slowly. She sat in the corner again, and ate a muffin with her coffee. I don't know how time passed so quickly, but the door opened, and I was hugged tightly. I turned my head to see my sister, with red eyes. I hugged her back, crying silently in her hair. Mom and dad came in, and stared at the scene with tears. My mom hugged me after Alice let me go, and dad went to talk to Bella, and I heard her informing him of everything. She even gave him the chart to read.

"She'll be alright" mom soothed me, but seemed she was soothing herself too.

There was a knock in the door, and a doctor looked at us.

"Ahn, this is Dr. Taylor. He's the neurologist" Bella said.

He nodded to us with a weak smile and walked to the other side of the bed. Bella joined him as they discussed the status in hushed tones.

"There isn't change" Dr. Taylor sighed after a few minutes.

"So…" I pressed.

"Her intracranial pressure is stabilized, but for now, it's all I can tell"

"Thank you" dad said. Dr. Taylor said a few words to Bella and left.

"You're her doctor too?" Alice asked.

"Yes. I took care of her in the ER, and took charge of her after surgery. Seeing you have doctors in your family, if you want to change, I perfectly understand…"

"No, it's alright. I can't treat family" dad said shaking his head, "It's too much…"

"I understand" Bella said with a weak smile.

"I remember you…" Alice mumbled.

"We went to high school" Bella said.

"Oh. Bella Swan! Of course" Alice said smiling weakly, "Sorry, too much in my head, I guess"

"Perfectly understandable"

"Son?" dad asked me.

I looked up at him, and he had a sad smile.

"Alice and I arranged to move Ash. To Seattle. Jasper can take care of her…"

"Is something wrong here?" I asked frowning.

"No, not at all. We just… In Seattle we have more resources to help her"

"But moving her… wouldn't be too much?" I asked him and Bella.

"I would like to wait a few days, if we'll move her. Confirm if she's stable enough for a trip…"

"We would get a helicopter to Seattle Grace" Alice said.

"Oh. A shot trip then. I thought you meant in an ambulance" Bella mumbled and sighed, "Being a short trip, I think it would be alright. But I still would like to wait until tonight, just to be safe"

"Yes, of course" dad said, "If she's stable until tonight, then we move her"

Bella nodded, checked her vitals and wrote something in the chart. She walked to me, squeezed my shoulder in comfort and nodded.

"Anything you need, just ask someone to call me. I'll be in the floor…"

"Aren't you going home?" I asked frowning.

"I'll stay to check on a few patients" she said and glanced at Ashley.

"Thank you" I whispered.

She nodded again, smiled weakly at my family and walked out of the room.

"She seems a nice girl" mom commented.

"She stayed all night. Before I got here, she was sleeping here, and she stayed the rest of the night. She left just to get coffee, and now" I mumbled.

"She cares. She's a good doctor" Alice concluded.

"I want her in Seattle" I mumbled and they arched eyebrows. "She treated Ashley. She knows everything that happened from the beginning. We need her"

"Alright" dad agreed, "It's a good idea. I'll talk to her"

"Thank you"

"I'll call Jasper, Emm and Rose" Alice said.

She and dad went out, and mom came to my side, pulling me to her, and I buried my head in her shoulder and cried. I was scared like a child. My world, Ashley, was hurt, in danger, and I couldn't do anything to stop it.


	3. Chapter 3

I was talking to one of the nurses, catching up with other patients. My head was pounding, my eyes stinging from being so much time open, and my thoughts kept coming back to the little girl.

"Dr. Swan?" someone called.

I turned to see Carlisle Cullen walking to me. I gave him a weak smile, and leaned against the counter.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked when he got closer.

"Yes… We want you to go to Seattle" he said.

"Sorry. What?"

"For Ashley. We want you there to help"

"Dr. Cullen, if you want to move her there, I believe there must be great doctors…"

"Yes, but we want you there. You took care of her since this began"

"Dr. Cullen…"

"Please. We pay you anything. Just say the number. We need you" he begged.

"It's not a money issue…"

"Then, please. For Ashley"

I looked down at chart in my hand, thinking. "Yes, alright" I nodded.

"Thank you" he said clasping my hands in his gently. "Thank you, so much. For everything"

"It's fine" I said smiling at him.

He smiled back at me, let go of my hands and jogged back to the room. I quickly checked on other two patients, talked to the boss, that when he heard it was for the Cullens, gave me any time needed, and went back to check on Ashley. I entered the room, Carlisle was in the corner, talking in the phone frenetically, Esme was sitting in an armchair beside Edward, talking softly, and Alice had fallen asleep in the armchair in the corner. Edward still looked devastated. Esme looked at me when I came in, and smiled. I smiled back and walked to the monitors. I wrote down the information, glad she seemed stable. I needed do check on her abdomen, so I cleared my throat. Edward looked up at me with red eyes and I smiled sadly.

"I need to check on her abdomen" I said softly.

He nodded, sniffing, and pulled away a little. I opened the hospital gown, and felt her stomach, careful not to put any pressure that could make things worse, or cause her pain. I closed her gown again and looked at Edward with a small smile.

"She seems alright. Nothing changed" I said.

"Okay" he mumbled.

"Your father asked me to go to Seattle…"

"I asked him" he said to me, "Please"

"I'm going. I just wanted to know what time you are leaving… I should leave, so I can get ready"

"We got the helicopter for eleven" Mrs. Cullen said.

"Alright. We have time then" I said, "I'm sending a couple of med students, to do an ultrasound, check for any bleeding"

"Can't you do it?" she asked, "Med students…"

"I can. I was just going home to get a few things, and try to get a couple hours of sleep. I'm too tired to be of any help…"

"Oh, of course. I understand" she said.

"They will just do the ultrasound. Dr. Cullen can check on it, if he wants to, and I'm letting a colleague warned, in case you need him. Anything just call for Dr. Black"

"Thank you" Edward said.

I nodded and walked out of there. I ran home, prepared a backpack with a few clothes, and stuff, took a shower, and made food for dad while I was away. I had almost four hours until I had to be back, and I should use them on sleeping. I laid on bed, and practically passed out as soon as I rested my head. Dreaming. Of Ashley. We were alone, in a park, and she would play with other kids. I would watch with a smile. She stopped playing, smiling at me. She ran to me, and took my hand. She dragged me to secluded part of the park, and we sat side by side in a bench, just staring at the trees.

"Make him better" she suddenly said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Make him better" she said again and her smile was sad.

"Who?"

"Daddy" she said with tears threatening to fall, "He'll be so sad"

"Why?" I asked pulling her to me.

"I don't want him sad. I tried" she mumbled crying.

"Why will he be sad?" I asked again.

"Make him better. Promise me you'll make him better" she said looking up at me.

"I will try. But… Why is he sad?"

"Some people have a person's name to summarize their world. And I do believe I was his world"

"Your dad's?" I asked, and smiled, "Of course you are, honey"

"But he can't stay without a world. He can't… give up. Promise me he'll have another world"

"What do you mean?" I asked truly confused.

She smiled, and kissed my cheek.

"Be his world"

I wake up gasping for air, shaking, and all sweaty. I looked at the clock. I slept three hours. It wasn't a bad dream. While I was in it, it was like I knew her, and she was fine, like I didn't know she was in the hospital. It was terrifying the thought that I was dreaming about a girl that didn't want her dad sad, when she left. She couldn't leave. She couldn't. I shook my head, and wiped my tears away. I had to take another shower, since I was all sweaty. When I was showered, got dressed, and checked to see if I had everything, I heard the front door open and close. I got my bag, my jacket, and ran downstairs.

"Bells… Hi. You're home…?" he said surprised. I wasn't home very often, always in the hospital, and I had told him I was staying for Ashley.

"Yeah" I said with a weak smile.

"Ahn, going somewhere?" he asked eyeing my bag.

"I have to go to Seattle, for Ashley. Can you take me to the hospital so my car doesn't stay there?"

"Where are you going to stay in Seattle?"

"I don't know…" I mumbled, "In the hospital. I will see. Probably I'll be working all the time, so I won't need somewhere to stay"

"What time are you leaving?" he asked as we walked to the door.

"Eleven. I'll call you midnight, when we get there"

"Won't take longer…?"

"Oh, we're going in a helicopter" I said, "The family, the Cullens – remember them? They lived here…"

"Yeah"

"Well, Dr. Cullen must work in the hospital in Seattle and they got a helicopter"

"That's good" he said as we got in the police cruiser, "Tell them I wish the best, and I hope she'll be okay"

"I will" I said and leaned against the seat.

"You look tired"

"That's the second time you say that, in two days" I grumbled.

"Sorry. But you do. Shouldn't you rest? You can't work like this…"

"I slept before you got home. I just have… kind of bad dreams"

"Kind of bad dreams?" he asked confused.

"It's not bad while I'm dreaming, but when I wake up, and think about it, it's bad"

He then started to talk about being careful in Seattle, to stay well, and all the father stuff. We said goodbye at the hospital entrance, with promised calls, and I ran inside. I got to the PICU and went straight to the room. I stood by the door, watching Edward cry quietly. My chest felt tight, and I could feel my own tears coming. He was still in that chair, like he hadn't moved.

"Mr. Cullen?" I asked quietly.

His head snapped up, and his eyes met mine. He wiped away the tears, and sniffed, trying to recompose.

"The med students did the ultrasound" he said.

I entered the room, put my bag in the floor, and grabbed the chart. There was new information, but nothing changed.

"Dad checked it. He thinks I can't…"

"Can't what?" I asked.

"He's right. It's like my brain is shutting down… I could barely… comprehend her injuries when you told me" he said.

"You're a doctor?"

"Yes"

"Oh. Mr. Cullen, in a situation like this… It's too much for you. It's a defense. Your whole being shuts down what can hurt you. What's happening is hurting you, so your brain doesn't want to deal with it"

"Yeah" he mumbled. "Anyway. My dad checked, and talked to Dr. Black. She seems fine"

"She is. I'll check on the images, though I don't think your father and Dr. Black would be wrong"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome, Mr. Cullen"

"Edward. Call me Edward" he said shaking his head.

"Alright. Edward" I eyed him, "I won't say I understand what you're going through, because I don't. I was never in your position. And I'm sorry. But you need to stay strong for her"

He nodded, his eyes always on her.

"Edward, get some food…"

"No" he said shaking his head, "I won't leave"

"Alright. Can I bring you something?"

"No, but thank you"

I sighed and quietly walked out of the room to check on the ultrasound and get some food for him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for taking so long to update! My computer broke, and I almost lost everything I have in it. I almost went crazy without him for a month! I'm addicted to it.<strong>

**I'll try to update faster. **

**Hope you're enjoying. I got the idea by hearing 'Hear You Me' by Jimmy Eat World. Beautiful song, but so sad... And the movie 'My Sister's Keeper'**

**Anyway, what do you think should happen? I would love to get ideas. **

**REVIEW!**

**xoxo Luuh**


	4. Chapter 4

Time seemed to pass slowly when things are bad. It felt like I was sitting there for an eternity, praying, and at the same time trying to shut down my brain. Thinking seemed to get more painful every minute.

"Come on, baby, open your eyes for me" I whispered to Ash, "Please, I need you"

Silence. Like the whole day. I closed my eyes, trying to stop tears, and failing. My phone beeped and I check it, it was a message from Alice. She and mom were already going to Seattle. Dad was still here, he would go with Ash and I in the helicopter. The door opened and I looked to see Dr. Swan entering in the room again. She walked to me, and extended a paper bag and a cup of coffee.

"You need it" she said. I took the coffee, and she continued with the bag extended. "It's fruit salad, and cupcakes" she said.

"I'm not hungry, thank you" I mumbled.

"Please, Edward. You getting sick won't help. You have to be strong for her" she pleaded.

I looked into her eyes, and sighed, taking the bag.

"Thanks" we both said.

She smiled and sat in an armchair in the corner.

"It was a beautiful song" she said as I played with the fruit salad.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You were humming a song…"

"Oh. I didn't realize I was…"

"Well, it was beautiful"

I nodded, and sighed. I started humming again, and she smiled nodding. It was the lullaby I had composed to Ash when she born. I used to hum for her every night, while tucking her in.

"It's her lullaby" I said quietly.

"It fits her" she commented. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah"

"Your father said something about someone helping in Seattle…"

"My brother-in-law is a pediatric surgeon" I said, "They are hoping he can do something to help"

"I hope too" she said, "But why are you taking me? I mean… You have her historic, charts, doctors at your disposal… You could just call me…"

"I don't know. I just… I think it would give me some peace of mind knowing you would be there, since you were the whole time until now" I said. "Thanks, for going"

"Thanks for inviting. Not the best circumstances, but I'm happy to go. I want to help"

I nodded, and we fell into comfortable silence, the only sound was the constant beeping from the monitors. An hour later my dad came in, and smiled weakly at Bella, and at me.

"We need to get her ready" he said.

Bella nodded, and stepped outside.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked him quietly.

"It's the best we can do, son" he said, "I understand you're terrified…"

"Damn right" I mumbled.

Bella came back with a couple of med students and nurses. I had to step back as they got Ashley ready to move. Bella threw questions about heart race, oxygen levels, blood pressure, intracranial pressure… I watched everything, and again, it was like I couldn't understand. I was a doctor I should know what everything meant, but I just couldn't… think. It was like being under the water, I couldn't understand what was being said.

"Let's go" dad said.

I watched as they took Ashley out of the room quickly, and I grabbed everything, wallet, keys, cell phone, jacket, and Bella's bag in the corner and her jacket. I ran after them, and everything seemed in slow motion. By the time we got to the roof, got in the helicopter, it seemed that hours passed. I hated how time passed when bad things happened. And I hated that things were bad. Bella, dad and I got in the helicopter, and Bella was concentrated on Ashley, talking to the paramedics in the helicopter. I was thankful for her. She seemed the only one capable of really thinking in this situation. My family pretended they were dealing with things fine, but I could see it was not, I could see in my dad's stare at Ashley's body, at the lack of smile in Alice's face, and the way my mom had been clutching crucifix, she wasn't even a religious person.

"We'll be landing in fifteen minutes" the co-pilot announced.

"Jasper said he would be waiting" dad said to me.

I nodded, and looked at the view of Seattle. I had flew in an helicopter once before, but the sky tonight seemed especially dark. A storm was coming soon.

"Dr. Swan?" a paramedic called.

I looked to see Bella auscultating Ashley's chest. Dad was checking her vitals.

"What's wrong?" I asked nervously. They didn't answer. "What is wrong!" I asked desperately.

"Shut up" Bella mumbled frowning. "Blood pressure?"

"95/67" the paramedic informed.

"It's dropping. Damn it!" Bella hissed. "Hydrocortisone, 3mg/kg!"

They were talking frenetically, my dad trying to say something to Bella, the paramedics getting the medication, and information…

"Shut the hell up everyone!" Bella growled.

Everyone fell silent. She seemed to be concentrating a lot in auscultating Ashley's lungs.

"Oxygen levels?" she asked to the paramedics.

The paramedic started to give her numbers, information of all kind.

"Would she be hemorrhaging?" dad asked.

Bella touched Ashley's stomach, pressuring it slightly, and then ran her fingers through her hair.

"Shit. Her lung. I think I heard something, I'm not sure because of the helicopter's noise. But her stomach is stiffer than when we left Forks"

"So… S-She's hemorrhaging?" I gasped.

"Probably"

Bella started to check on the vitals again, and the blood pressure wasn't rising. She and the paramedics put a blood bag on Ashley's IV, it was all they could do until we got to the hospital. The pilot announced we were landing, and dad touched my shoulder, in comfort. I wasn't comforted. As soon we touched the ground, the paramedics, Bella and the hospital staff ran with Ashley. Dad and I followed, but we couldn't get in the room. Jasper saw me, and nodded, and then went to Ashley. We met Alice and mom, and dad updated them, I just sat there, staring at the wall, waiting.

"Edward!" I looked up, and saw Bella jogging to us.

I looked at the clock. Almost twenty minutes waiting. She was with scrubs on.

"What happened?" I asked desperately.

"We're taking her to the OR. The internal bleeding is back. There was coagulation in her lung. Your brother-in-law is with her, and I'm going to get ready" she said.

"I'm going" dad told mom.

"Dr. Cullen, I think it would be best if you didn't" Bella said. "It's complicated enough for her uncle to see her like this. You shouldn't…"

"She's right" mom said to dad. "Ashley is in good hands. We'll wait here"

Bella nodded and turned to walk away. I grabbed her hand and turned her around. I looked her in the eye and she squeezed my hand.

"I'll do everything I can" she whispered.

I nodded and let her go, watching her run to the OR.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you going to tell them, or should I?" I asked Dr. Hale.

"I'll go. They must be freaking out" he said.

"Okay. I'll go with her then" I said drying my hands.

"Thank you, Dr. Swan" he said.

"You're welcome, Dr. Hale. No need to thank actually. And call me Bella, please"

"Bella" he said smiling, "Call me Jasper"

"Alright. I'll go check on her"

He nodded, and I walked out, to ran after the nurses, that were taking Ashley to her room. I helped them get her settled, and checked if everything was alright with her. The nurse was walking out when I stopped her.

"Can you bring a couple pillows and blankets? Her family will probably stay here" I said.

"Yes, of course" she said.

"Thank you"

Ten minutes later, the door opened and Jasper walked in with Edward. I gave him a small smile, but he barely looked at me. He sighed with relief, and sat in a chair by the bed. I got up, and started walking to the door, looking at Ashley.

"Thank you, Bella" Edward said quietly.

"There's no need to thank me" I said quietly too.

He gave me a weak smile and I nodded. When he turned to Ashley, I nodded to Jasper to follow me out. He did, closing the door after he got out.

"Ahn, I know it's not my business, but… Edward needs to get out" I said. "He didn't move from her bedside while in Forks, and he'll get sick"

"I know. Alice told me" Jasper sighed, "We'll try get him to go home, eat. But he can be stubborn"

"I realized" I said with a smile.

"Thank you"

"Nah" I said shrugging. "Anyway, where's the on call room? I need to get some rest"

"Oh" he said frowning, "I'll show you the way. And your bag is with Alice"

"Oh, right. I forgot"

He nodded and we walked in comfortable silence to the waiting room. Alice, Esme and Carlisle were there talking in hushed tones. When we got closer they looked up, and Esme jumped up to hug me.

"Thank you, thank you" she said hugging me tightly.

"You're welcome" I mumbled hugging her back, "She'll be alright"

She nodded and pulled away. Carlisle and Alice thanked me a hundred times, and I kept repeating there was nothing to thank me. But I couldn't handle anymore, a yawn escaped.

"Oh, sorry. You must be tired, sweetie" Esme said.

"Sorry. It's been some time since I slept" I mumbled.

"I understand perfectly" Carlisle said with a weak smile. "Go rest. We need you well rested"

"Okay. Anything, call me. I'll be on the on call room"

"The on call room?" Alice said shocked.

"Yeah…" I said confused.

"That mustn't be comfortable" Esme said, "Let us get you a hotel room, please"

"Oh, no, no! It's fine. You don't have to…"

"We made you come here, we will pay for a hotel, at least" Carlisle said.

"I-I… I don't know the city, and I don't have a car, so a hotel would be kind of complicated. I prefer sleeping here. If anything happens I'll be here"

"The on call room here is always occupied" Jasper said, "And is not comfortable"

"I can't let you pay for a room for me" I said shaking my head.

"You can stay at our guest room" Alice said.

"What!"

"Jasper and I live a couple blocks away, and you could stay there" she said, "It's close to the hospital, and more comfortable"

"I can't…"

"Bella, I won't have any other way. You're coming with us" Alice said sternly.

"That's a good idea. Please, accept, Bella" Esme said.

I sighed and Alice grinned seeing her victory.

"Alice always wins" Jasper commented. "Well, I'll stay here. I'm on call, and I think I'll stay with Edward a little"

"Okay" Alice said and he gave her a peck, "See you tomorrow"

They said goodbye to Jasper, I made him promise to call me if anything came up. Alice, Esme and Carlisle went to Ashley's room for a few minutes, to talk to Edward, and try to make him sleep, even if it was in the armchair on the room. When they came back, Alice dragged me to her car, and we said goodbye to her parents.

"If the circumstances were better, we would have so much fun. When this is over, we'll have a sleepover" she said as she drove to her house, "We can invite Jasper's sister, Rose, and Ashley, but we'll have to wait for her to go to sleep to have real adult fun!"

I smiled and nodded weakly. Alice was the same energetic pixie I remembered from high school.

"You all live here?" I asked.

"Yeah. Dad came to work here, and mom's businesses were easier here. I went to New York for college, business, I work with fashion. Edward graduated in Dartmouth, and came back, be close to family. Oh, do you remember my cousin Emmett?" she asked excitedly.

"Ahn, no"

"He was the crazy college guy that almost did a striptease in my graduation party!" she said chuckling.

"I didn't go to the party" I mumbled.

"Why not!" she asked frowning.

"I was packing. I left the next day" I lied. The truth was, I wasn't invited. Sure, everyone knew about the party, but to me, if Alice or Edward didn't invite me personally, then I wasn't invited.

"Oh, too bad" she mumbled, "Anyway, my cousin, Emmett, he plays for the Seahawks, and he met Jasper's sister in our wedding, and they are engaged. Her name is Rose. So, the room you're staying has a few boxes of things for the wedding, but if it bothers you I can move it…"

"Of course not. It's fine, Alice. It's your house"

"Alright. What about you?" she asked. "How's been your life?"

"I went to Chicago, to college, and then came back, and that's it"

"I remember you lived in Florida before coming to high school in Forks. Why didn't you went back? A sunnier place?"

"Oh, ahn, my mom was newlywed then, and I decided to leave the lovebirds for the honeymoon stage, and stay with Charlie, my dad. While in college, mom got pregnant. I have a little brother, he's almost eight now. I visit a lot. But dad is alone, and I thought he should have some company. Mom is fine"

"You're the most selfless person I know" she said. I shrugged and she smiled, "Boyfriend?"

"No. I don't have time for it" I said as she parked the car in front of a big, yellow house.

"Edward says the same. He divorced Tanya a month ago, officially. They were separated a year already. I think it's a doctor thing, the lack of time to date" she said as we got out, "But it will get better, when your career is settled"

"Yeah. I hope so" I said.

She let me in the house, and gave me a quick tour, since we were both tired, and left me in the guest room, after making me promise to call her if I needed. I changed, and fell on bed, already sleeping.

_"Hey, Bella" I turned to see who was talking to me. It was Ashley._

_"Hi" I said smiling._

_"You knew my dad, before" she said smiling._

_"Yes, we went to school together"_

_"He talks about you"_

_"What? When?" I asked shocked._

_"Well… He commented on how much you changed, that he didn't recognized you in the hospital"_

_"Oh"_

_We fell in silence. I looked around, and found myself in an empty park. We could hear the birds singing, but also the streets far away._

_"Bella?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"He's praying. Between talking to me and crying, he prays" she said sadly. "He never prayed before"_

_"He's scared, but it's going to be okay"_

_"No, it won't. He still has hope, and it will be crushed, and he'll be crushed too"_

_"Ashley, nothing and no one will be crushed. Everything is going too be fine" I said._

_"Yes, but it will take a lot of time. And, you'll have to work a lot on it"_

_"Me?"_

_"You'll be his world, remember?"she said smiling, "You'll make him better, put his pieces together"_

_"What are you talking about?" I asked._

_"I'm sorry" she said suddenly sad, "I'm sorry you'll try so much, and there is nothing to do. But soon it will end"_

_"Ash, you're scaring me. Don't talk like this"_

_"Sorry" she whispered. "I guess…" she stared walking away, "goodbye"_

_I called, but she didn't turn back. _

I woke up breathing heavy. Once I had calmed down, I looked in the clock, It was mid morning, I just slept a couple hours. I got up, and walked to the bathroom, where I found Alice laying on the floor.

"Alice!" I said kneeling beside her.

"Ahn?" she groaned sleepily, like she had been sleeping there.

"Oh my god! Are you alright? I'll call an ambulance"

"No!" she said. She opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm fine. I was just sleeping"

"In the bathroom's floor!"

"Ahn, I'm having morning sickness" she said shrugging and sitting up.

"Oh. You're pregnant" I mumbled.

"Yeah. My family doesn't know. With everything is going on…" she mumbled.

"Oh, okay. You scared me"

"Sorry. I have morning sickness badly, and I'm tired of going back and forth between the bathroom and bedroom. I was in the kitchen, so this bathroom was closer"

"It's alright. Can I help with something?"

"Yes" she said with puppy eyes, "I wanted pancakes but the smell of the batter is making me sick"

"Alright. Chocolate chip?" I asked as we walked to the kitchen.

"Yes!" she said and gave me a side hug, "You're great"

I smiled and went to the counter where I found an almost ready batter. I finished cooking while she told me about how she found out about the pregnancy and how Jasper freaked out. We laughed a lot. When we finished breakfast, she said she would do the dishes, since I cooked, and I went to get ready. I took a quick shower, dressed and grabbed my things. Alice was finishing getting ready, so I walked around the living room, looking at the photo frames. Photos of her, Edward, Esme and Carlisle. The whole family. Her wedding. A couple with her and Jasper, that considering the woman's appearance, I thought it was Rose, Jasper's sister, and Alice's cousin. There was a whole shelf with photos of Ashley. Some with Edward, some with Alice or Jasper, some with her parents. I thought it was funny that in none there was a photo of the beautiful woman I tried to save, Tanya.

"I'm ready" Alice announced grabbing her bag.

I nodded and followed her out to the car. When we were inside, I decided to ask.

"Ahn, Alice? I know I'm meddling, and I'm sorry…"

"Spit it out, Bella" she said amused.

"Ahn, Tanya? What happened?" I asked and she scowled, "Sorry, it's not my business"

"No, it's just… She was never good. She fooled Edward, you know? To him, she was perfect. But we saw the real her. Sometimes we even fought with Edward because of her. She convinced him that marrying was a good idea. They eloped to Vegas. A couple months later she was pregnant. Edward was the happiest we've seen him ever, but Tanya wasn't. She just kept Ashley because Edward convinced her. She was a selfish bitch though. God, she was worried about getting fat! She was the thinnest pregnant woman I've seen, but Ashley was born fine. Tanya got 'post partum depression' though to go out, to clubs, bars, with friends, and parties, she was fine. She was awful. Edward raised Ashley practically alone, with my parents help and mine. He got sick of it, and a year ago finally gave up. He told her to get out of his house, and wanted the divorce. She of course didn't give it. Just a month ago he got the divorce, but Tanya still had rights over Ash, he was talking to a lawyer about it. She disappeared for some time during this year, but when she came back…" she shook her head

"It was clear she wasn't fine, and she shouldn't be around Ashley. She looked horrible. Apparently, her family hated her now, that she ruined everything. They didn't want her to date Edward, and hated that she married him and had a kid. They didn't talk to her anymore. She was alone. And to get things worse, she was drinking. She drank before, at night, in a bar, with friends, but now she drank in the morning… A drunk. Edward had pity, and gave her the guest room a couple weeks ago, but made sure Ashley was away from her as much as he could. He took her to school, and she would be with me or my parents after it. I don't know what happened, but I guess Tanya decided to spent some time with Ash" she said parking the car. "She kidnapped her. Because Edward didn't know at all she had taken Ashley that night"

"I'm sorry" I said and she gave me a small smile. "Ahn, why Forks?"

"I don't really know. All I know is Edward gave her the house we have there. I didn't even know it was his to give. My parents don't answer my questions…" she sighed.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked" I said as we entered the hospital.

"It's fine. It's good to talk about it with someone" she shrugged and gave me a smile. "Why weren't we friends before, in high school? You're great"

I smiled sadly at her. Simple. She was the popular, rich cheerleader, and I was the invisible geek.

We got to the PICU floor and went straight to Ashley's room, When I came in I sighed relieved. Edward was sleeping in the small couch in the corner.

"Thank God" I whispered. "He needed to sleep"

"I'll look for Jazz" Alice whispered.

"I'll check on Ashley" I whispered back.

She nodded and left. I grabbed the chart and saw there wasn't anything new. I checked all her vitals, and when I finished, my eyes went back to Edward. I grabbed a blanket and pillow from a chair, where the nurse left yesterday and walked to him. I put the blanket over him, and bit my lip, thinking how to put the pillow. I carefully put my hand in the back of his head. He groaned and I hesitated. He sighed and I lift his head carefully and slid the pillow under his head as best as I could. When I was going to pull away, his eyes fluttered open.

"Bella?" he breathed looking at me.

"Sorry. I was just putting a pillow for you" I whispered, "Go back to sleep"

"Ash?"

"She's fine. Nothing changed. I'll call you if something does"

"Thank you" he said resting his hand lightly on my wrist.

"You're welcome" I said smiling.

"I missed you" he breathed and fell asleep.

"What?" I whispered but he was sleeping already.

"Hi?"

I turned at hearing Alice's voice.

She was by the door with Jasper, both looking at me, and she had a mischievous smile. I followed her gaze and realized my hand was still in Edward's neck. I slid my hand away and stood up.

"He woke up" I mumbled, "I told him to go back to sleep"

"Good. I passed by a couple hours ago and he was still up" Jasper said and took Ashley's chart. "Nothing new" he sighed.

"No"

"I have other patients before I can go home" he mumbled.

"Don't worry. I'll stay here, and I'll call you if we need you" I said.

"Thank you" he said and Alice and he walked out.

I walked to the armchair on the corner, close to the couch Edward was in, and sat down. I stared at Ashley for a few minutes, remembering my dreams. I looked at Edward, and smiled weakly.

"Missed you too" I whispered.

I got a book from my bag and read for a couple hours. I just stopped when Edward started moving, and I looked at him. He was quite agitated. He stopped for a moment, and then started again, this time falling off the couch. I contained my giggle, as he opened his eyes confused.

"Ahn, what?" he groaned.

I couldn't hold it anymore, and started to giggle. His eyes snapped to mine, and he sat up.

"Sorry" I said, "You looked funny"

"Glad I amuse you" he mumbled with a smile.

He got up from the floor, and sat in the couch, frowning at the blanket and pillow.

"I put on you earlier" I said.

"I think I kind of remember" he mumbled. His eyes went to Ashley on bed, and he lost his smile, his eyes turning sad. "Nothing?" he asked quietly.

"No" I whispered. He nodded leaning back. "You should sleep some more. You must be tired" I said.

"What should I do?" he asked quietly.

"What?"

"I… I got out of the room earlier" he mumbled. "I passed by a room, and… They… They turned it off"

"What?" I asked still confused.

"The machines. A couple turned off the machines that were keeping their son alive"

"Oh" I mumbled frowning.

"What should I do?" he whispered brokenly, "What would you do?" he asked looking at me.

"Ahn… It's a really tricky question. If it was me, on the machines, I probably would want my family to turn it off. But if it was my child… If there was any hope, even a small, then…" I shrugged weakly.

"Should I?" he asked.

"I thought you were having hopes" I mumbled looking down at my hands.

He stayed quiet, so I got up.

"I'll go… Take a walk" I mumbled as I walked to the door.

Why was I giving personal opinion? I came as doctor, I was only the doctor. This was work, and I should be professional. I was getting some water when a nurse came to me.

"Sorry, you're Dr. Swan?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"I know you worked with Ashley Cullen earlier and… I need a doctor; it's simple, just… The parents are insisting on some information. Could you help me?"

"Oh. Ahn, alright" I said nodding.

I walked with her, and we entered a room. The child was in the bed, staring at the ceiling, looking bored. He was almost ten. The parents were discussing in hisses.

"This is Dr. Swan" the nurse said.

"Oh!" the mother said looking me up and down, "Really?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not in a white coat, I know. I wasn't working, just… passing by" I said.

"It's alright" the father said. "We have some questions"

"Just let me… take a look" I said grabbing the chart from the nurse.

I read all the information, even twice on the important stuff. The boy had fallen from a tree, broken a rib, arm, and got a concussion.

"Yes?" I asked still looking at the chart.

"Well, I live in a one floor house, and she lives in a two floors condo" the father said, "I'm telling her it would be best if he stayed with me, that way he won't need to take the stairs"

"There is no need! We'll help him to his room, and once there he won't need to come down anymore" the mother said.

"You must want him dead to go upstairs with a broken rib!" the father snapped.

"Right! It was me that built a tree house for him!" she snapped back.

"The house was safe!"

"Getting up on a tree isn't!"

"Okay, okay, enough. Let's cool down, please" I interrupted.

They looked at me, and I sighed, giving the chart back to the nurse.

"Yes, he has a broken rib. But the rib didn't affect the lung, and it's just fractured. It means it didn't get out of place. He can get upstairs, yes, but it might hurt. It's up to you to decide. I just suggest that you two try to get along, because, seeing your son had a concussion, he shouldn't get stressed"

"Thank god, someone saw it!" the boy mumbled.

"Thank you" the mother said shyly, "Sorry"

"It's alright" I said.

The father nodded in thanks and I walked out of the room. I went back to Ashley's room, and found Esme with Edward.


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh, hi, darling" Esme said.

I looked up, and saw Bella by the door. She gave a weak smile and came to greet my mom. They talked quietly, I didn't listen to what. I was still thinking. Should I? Turn off the machines? That would… kill me daughter. She wouldn't be here anymore. I felt pain in my chest just thinking of it. I remembered the dream I had before. Ashley was there. She looked okay. But I don't know why, I grabbed her hand tightly. She kept telling me it was okay, but I couldn't let go. She tried to pull away, but I held firmly. She then asked, pleaded, begged for me to let go. After some time I did, and she walked away smiling. I never believed that dreams meant something, but… Should I let her go? As if knowing my thoughts there was a loud beep. I looked up. Bella ran to the monitors and started checking everything.

"What?" I asked getting up.

Right after I asked, the monitors started beeping frenetically. Her heart was beating faster. Bella looked confused. I went to her side, and smiled as Ashley's eyes fluttered open.

"Oh my God" mom said.

"Ash!" I breathed. Her eyes were tired, and she looked around, like she was lost. "It's okay, baby. Daddy is here. You'll be fine"

She started gagging.

"Ashley, calm down, okay?" Bella said holding her head. "Stay still, I'll take it off"

Bella turned to grab something and Ashley's eyes focused on me. I smiled, but her eyes fluttered close.

"Ash?" I asked.

The monitors started beeping frenetically again, too frenetically. Bella turned around, cursed.

"Edward, get out" she said as Ashley started convulsing.

"Ash!" I called as if it would help.

"Esme, get him out!" Bella said as she tried to held Ashley still, and pressed the button to call help.

Nurses came in, and one of them got back out to call Jasper.

"10mg of Diazepam!" Bella said to the nurse.

"Dr. Hale is in an emergency surgery" a nurse said when she came back.

Ashley stopped convulsing, her body totally relaxed.

"Bradycardia" a nurse announced.

"Start compressions!" the other called.

"Atropine, 2mg/kg" Bella said as she compressed Ashley's chest.

"Ashley" I gasped, crying.

"Charge, 200" Bella said.

"Ready" the nurse said. "Clear"

Bella pulled away, watching the monitors intently, but the shock didn't work. Bella took the defibrillator, and rubbed her eyes with her arm.

"240" she asked.

"Charged"

"Clear" Bella called.

I backed away from the scene until I hit the wall, and slid down to the floor.

"260! Clear! 300! Clear! 360! Clear"

I watched as Bella and nurses worked to keep my daughter alive and they were failing. I could hear my mom crying with Alice, and I also could hear my sobs, but I felt off. Like my mind and body were disconnected.

"Come on, Ash!" Bella cried. "360!"

"Charged" the nurse said.

"Clear!"

I blinked as Ashley's body tensed, arching with the shock.

"Atropine" Bella asked.

"Dr. Swan, we already… It's going to be too much for her body" a nurse protested.

"Give… lidocaine then!" Bella said compressing Ashley's chest.

"Dr. Swan.."

"Give it, damn it!" Bella yelled.

They injected the drug on Ashley's IV, but nothing happened.

"Charge, 360 again" Bella said.

"Charged" the nurse said, sounding calm. It annoyed me.

"Clear!" Bella called as she took the defibrillator.

"Flat line" a nurse said. "Asystole"

"Shit" Bella cried, "Come on, Ash!" she said compressing her chest frenetically.

"Dr. Swan…" a nurse said.

"Give epinephrine" Bella said, "5mg"

"Epi is in" a nurse announced.

"What's her pressure!" Bella asked, breathless from the compressions.

"60/30" a nurse said.

"Give more epi!" Bella said.

"It's not working" a nurse said after injecting.

"Do something!" Alice cried.

"Dr. Swan, we have to call it" a nurse said.

"No" Bella cried.

Jasper came in and ran to the bed, pulling Bella away, and started compressions.

"Dammit" Jasper hissed.

A nurse started telling everything, as Jasper did compressions. Bella was crying, looking over the chart.

"Alice, get out, and take Edward" Jasper growled. "Give amiodarone" Jasper told the nurse.

"No. We gave lidocaine" Bella said.

"Shit!" Jasper hissed. "Epi!"

"Fifth round of epi is in" a nurse said.

"Come on, Ash, please" Bella cried.

"Dr. Hale, we have to…"

"No" Jasper cut off the nurse. "Keep going. Bella change with me" he said breathless.

Bella went back to compressions but nothing. Minutes seemed to pass fast now.

"Dr. Swan, we have to call it!" a nurse said forcefully. "We're on it for thirty minutes"

"Come on!" Bella cried, "Epi!"

"The hospital's policy…"

"Screw the policy! Give the epi!" Bella growled.

Jasper took the drug from the nurses hand and put on the IV. Bella waited a moment, and stopped compressions. The sound of the flat line still filled the room.

"Asystole" Jasper mumbled.

Bella went back to compressing.

"Bella" Jasper said softly.

"Her intracranial pressure is good, her lungs are good, she isn't hemorrhaging…" Bella mumbled, thinking out loud. "Dammit, why?"

"Bella" Jasper said again.

"Come on, Ash. Don't do this" Bella cried.

"Dr. Swan" Jasper said louder. "We have to stop"

"No!" Bella cried.

Jasper rounded the bed, and gripped her arms trying to pull her away. She tried to shrug him off, but he held her firmly.

"Time of death" Jasper whispered, "15:43"

Bella started sobbing, and fell on the floor, gasping for air. Alice ran to Jasper's arms, and mom kneeled in front of me, taking me in her arms. It felt surreal. All of it.

"I'm sorry" Bella cried.

"Ash" I mumbled.


	7. Chapter 7

Where I went wrong? One minute everything was alright... She was waking up. What went wrong? Why? Why couldn't I stop it? I sobbed, gasping for air. I heard Carlisle arrive, but I didn't look up.

"Bella" Jasper said softly.

"I'm sorry" I cried.

"Bella" it was Carlisle now.

"I tried! I tried! She was waking up, and I was about to take off the tube…" I cried, "But…"

"We know" Carlisle said softly.

"I'm sorry" I cried again.

"It's not your fault. Calm down, okay?" Jasper said.

It was easier said than done. Carlisle left my side to go to Edward's, and Alice sat beside me in the floor, crying too, but more quietly then me. I had lost patients, but Ash… was different.


	8. Chapter 8

"Edward?" dad asked.

"I'm fine" I mumbled.

"You're not fine" mom said.

"No, I'm not. But what do you want me to do? Kill myself!" I snapped and sighed, "Sorry. I just… I was going to turn off the machines…"

"What?" she asked shocked.

"I had lost hope" I mumbled, "She was suffering…"

They stayed silent. Ash was gone. My baby girl was gone. I felt off, still. But I remembered my dream, over and over again. Was it a message? _Let me go_, she told me in the dream. I was thinking about letting her go. Now she was gone.

"Son, I know you're… This is an awful moment. But, can you talk to Bella? I'm fear she's going to collapse" dad said quietly.

I looked up to see Bella crying desperately, sobbing, gasping for air, whimpering. Shouldn't I be like that? Ashley was_ my daughter_ after all… I nodded weakly and got up. I walked to them. Alice looked up at me, and got up. She hugged me tightly and we cried into each other. She let me go and held onto Jasper tightly. I sat down next to Bella, and put a hand in her back. She glanced at me, before the crying got worse. She gasped her apologies, and I frowned.

"It's not your fault" I said.

"I…. I don't know what I did wrong! It was… Sudden" she cried. "I'm so, so sorry"

I wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her to me, wrapping her in a hug. It felt comforting for both. We cried, we stayed silent, we held tightly. But nothing could fix the fact that Ashley was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

I don't know how long we sat there. How long I clung to Edward like my life depended on it. I didn't even thought of letting go. It was comforting. I remember Alice saying something to us, but I didn't exactly listen to her. Edward started getting up, but still held me. Basically he held me up. He kept me to him, holding me with just one arm, and dragged me, while I cried in his shoulder. We got in a car that was familiar, yet, I didn't think about it. And I still cried in his shoulder.

"Bella" Jasper said softly, "I know, it hurts, but… You need to calm down, okay?"

I nodded, sobbing.

"I have valium home, will it help?" Alice asked in a whisper.

"I think we'll need it" Jasper mumbled.

"Sorry" I sobbed.

"Shhh" Edward said burying my face in his shoulder. "Calm down, please"

I pulled back a little, and my eyes fell on the clock on the dashboard. It was almost 7pm. I was crying for four hours. The fact just made me cry more. Edward tried to sooth me, and I thought it was stupid of me. The man lost his daughter and needs to sooth a stupid, crazy woman. I pulled back, wiping my eyes and looked into Edward's green eyes. There were tears falling silently.

"Sorry" I said and sniffed, "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything, I'm sorry you lost her, and I'm sorry you have to console the crazy, stupid doctor"

By the end of my speech all my calmness was gone, and I was back to wailing. Edward pulled me to him again, and tried to sooth me, but I kept shaking my head, trying to make him stop, though it was a little comforting. The car stopped, and Edward helped me out, and dragged me to the house, that I realized it was Alice's. Edward and I sat in the couch, and Alice and Jasper went to the kitchen quickly, and when they came back, Alice had a bottle of water and Jasper a bottle of pills.

"W-What?" I sobbed.

"It's valium" he said, "It's just 5mg"

"N-No" I cried.

"Honey, you need it. We're worried. You're going to collapse if you keep this up" Alice said softly.

"N-No, I'm fine. It's alright"

"Bella, they're right" Edward said quietly.

"I'm just stupid. I'll stop, it's fine" I cried.

"Take the valium, get some sleep" Edward said.

I sighed, and took the valium from Jasper. I took one with water, and Edward surprised me by taking two himself.

"I won't sleep without it" he mumbled taking the water.

"Let's all get some rest" Jasper said quietly.

"Ahn, we just gave them valium, and they have empty stomachs" Alice mumbled guiltily.

"Right. You should eat something" Jasper mumbled.

"No, I'm fine" Edward said.

"I-It's fine" I sobbed.

"Okay. If you think so…" Jasper sighed.

"I'll j-just grab my stuff f-from the r-room" I sobbed getting up.

"Why?" Alice asked frowning.

"F-For Edward to sleep there"

"No, it's fine. I'll sleep in the couch" Edward said already laying down on it.

I insisted but he denied. After a few minutes I gave up, and went to the guest room. I laid on bed and tried to sleep. To wake up from this nightmare. To wake up, to go check on Ashley. I didn't dream that night, blank. And when I woke up, the nightmare was still on, as I heard Alice crying.


	10. Chapter 10

**Three months later…**

"How is my nephew and niece?" I asked kissing Alice's forehead.

"Good. Kicking the hell out of my bladder" she chuckled letting me in.

We went to the living room, and I greeted Jasper, he gave me a beer and we sat, watching the game. I wasn't a football fan, but it was an important game to Emmett, and we decided to watch it.

"Have you heard from Bella?" Alice asked from the other couch where she was laying caressing her belly.

"What?" I asked confused. "Bella Swan?"

"Yes" she said, "I was hoping to keep in touch with her"

"No" I choked out. The subject brought painful memories.

"We should look for her" Alice said.

"Alice…" I sighed.

"I mean, we didn't even pay the woman! After everything she did…"

"Alice" Jasper said in a soft warning.

"She deserved more than what we did. Let her go, without properly thanking…"

"What should I say!" I snapped. "'Thank you for unsuccessfully trying to save my daughter'?" I sigh, "Leave the subject alone"

"I can't" Alice said. "I want to name the girl Ashley"

"No" I said getting up.

Alice got up too and Jasper sighed.

"It's my daughter and I'll name her Ashley" she said as I went to the kitchen.

"It's my daughter we're talking about!" I snapped. "Your daughter can't replace her!"

"It's not what I meant" she whispered.

"Well, it sounds like it" I mumbled and sighed again, "Please, don't. It would be…"

"It is. It will always be painful, Edward" Alice said.

I turned to find her crying. I pulled her to my arms, embracing her as I could since her huge belly was in the way.

"Please, Edward. It would mean so much to me" she whispered. "I wasn't going to use as first name… It would be Dakota Ashley"

"It sounds great, Ali. It's a beautiful name" I whispered.

"Can I?"

"Yes, of course" I nodded.

She hugged me tighter. A couple hours later, I was saying goodbye to them, and Jazz walked me to the door.

"Edward?" he asked quietly while I put my coat on. He sounded hesitant.

"Yeah?"

"There's another reason why we brought the baby's name subject today…"

"What?"

"It's been three months…"

"I know" I sighed.

"You should go there this week…"

"No"

"It would be her birthday…"

"I said 'no', Jasper" I said walking out.

"We went there earlier" he said following me to my car. "There were flowers. Recently put"

"Esme…"

"Esme doesn't go there alone, and Carlisle is working, unable to make her company"

"I know"

"Who would…"

"I don't know"

"Go there, Edward. It will be good for you"

"Jasper…"

"She would like"

I sighed.

He won. I nodded and got in my car, speeding off.

I walked through the grass, my eyes on the ground. If I looked up I would back down from my decision. I had only came here once before, but I had memorized the way. The scent of wet grass, nature, was calming, but not enough. When I knew I was close enough, I looked up and frowned. A woman, with black hair, in a black skirt, white sweater, black high heels, and bag and coat in the ground was kneeled in front of the grave. She had her head down and put a bouquet in the grave. It was colorful, with several types of flowers. She took off the dead flowers that were already there. She seemed to wipe tears from her cheeks, and touched her lips softly, before touching the ground with her fingertips, a kiss.

"Hey!" I called walking faster.

She looked up, and her eyes got wide. Her brown eyes. Bella.

"Bella!" I asked shocked. "Ahn… hi"

"Hi" she said quietly looking down at the ground.

"What are you doing here?"

She sighed, grabbed her things, and got up.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave. If you don't want me to come back…"

"No!" I said quickly. "What! Of course you can come back. And you don't have to leave"

Her eyes snapped to mine, wide. She was shocked. But why?

"You come here often?" I asked.

"Ahn… Just the last couple weeks" she mumbled.

"You're the one putting flowers" I said remembering what Jazz told me. "Alice must be physic or something. She was talking about you a few days ago…"

"How is she?" Bella asked.

"She' fine. Huge. It's twins. She said you knew…"

"Yeah. I found her in the bathroom, morning sickness"

"Right" I mumbled.

We fell into silence, and I looked down at the grave. It was simple, but colorful thanks to Bella's flowers.

"I should get going…"

I looked at her and shook my head. "Hold on" I said. I took my wallet and my got a check. "We forgot to pay you… then. How much…?"

"I didn't come for money, Mr. Cullen" she said through clenched teeth. I looked at her shocked. "I don't want your money" she said more softly. "I can't… I made mistakes. I-I lost… her. There's nothing to thank me or pay me for"

"Bella…"

"I'm sorry I came here. I understand you don't want…"

"Bella, we don't blame you. Of course not. You did everything you could" I swallowed hard, "She just… couldn't be saved. And you simply disappeared before the funeral… We couldn't even thank you"

"That's nice of you to say" she said with tears in her eyes.

"It's the truth"

She nodded, and the movement made the tears fall. It was instinct. Maybe being around hormonal, crying Alice too much made a habit. I pulled her to my arms, hugging her. Comforting her. Who was I to comfort her? To ignore limits, and pull her to me? And why couldn't I let her go? Was it because she held me tight? Or the fact that it comforted me too?


	11. Chapter 11

**Three months later…**

"Hi, mom" I said answering my phone.

"Hey, Edward, honey. How are you?" she asked.

"I'm good. You?"

"I'm good"

"How's dad? I couldn't talk to him when he came back. How was the trip?"

"Oh, it was nice. His aunt left quite some money for him. He didn't understood, but they insisted he should take it. It was her wish"

"I didn't meet her, but I'm terribly sorry"

"I know, sweetie" she said and hesitated, "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I can hear your smile. You've been smiling quite a lot lately"

"Ahn… thanks?" I said, smiling.

"It's good, you're smiling. I was so worried…" she stopped before saying why. "Anyway, Alice wants all of us together this Saturday, a last family lunch before the babies arrive"

"This Saturday?" I asked hesitant.

"Yeah, of course! You know the babies will born Sunday…"

"I know… I just… Wasn't expecting Alice to want to do something. Actually, I scheduled something…"

"What?"

"I… I was going to hang out with a friend…"

"Oh. I'm sure he wouldn't mind to have lunch with us. Right? Bring him! The more, the merrier" she said.

"Mom…" I started to protest.

"Please, Edward. It will mean so much for Alice"

I sighed, and gave up. I scheduled the time I would be coming for lunch, and went back to work.

A couple hours later, I was walking to the nurse's station to inform someone about my patient, when I saw her. I smiled, and stopped beside her, leaning against the counter to give the nurse the chart. I looked at her, and she was writing something in a chart, concentrated. I could see a smile playing on the corner of her lips. They were twitching. She sighed and closed the chart, giving it to the nurse.

"It's hard to concentrate when you're being watched, Dr. Cullen" she said and smiled at me.

"Sorry" I smiled. "How's your day?"

"Good. Yours?"

"Good" I said and sighed, "About… ahn…"

I turned to see we were being watched by the nurse. I nodded my head to the left, in a invitation to walk with me, and she started walking. I followed her and when we were out of ear range of the gossiper nurses, she turned to me.

"Yes?" she asked.

"About Saturday…"

"You're not coming" she whispered, "It's fine, Edward. I'm still going though"

"No… Ahn, my mom wants me to go lunch with the family. Alice will have the baby Sunday, so…"

"Oh, I understand. I can go alone. And… Good luck with the lunch"

"No… I, my mom demands my friend to go with me, so… Do you want to go with me?"

The color drained from her face, and she took a deep breath.

"I-I can't"

"Why not?" I asked.

She looked at me, begging me to not force her to answer, and I sighed.

"Bella, for the millionth time. We don't blame you. Stop blaming yourself. Alice would be happy to see you! Mom… Everyone!" I said.

"You might not blame me…"

I tilted her head up with my finger, and made her look in my eyes.

"No one blames you. It was not your fault" I said.

Her eyes welled, and she nodded weakly.

"Okay…" she whispered.

"So, are you coming with me?"

"Yeah" she smiled. "Thanks for inviting"

"My pleasure" I smiled.

"I have to go" she said as her pager went off. I nodded and she ran away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Saturday**

_Meet me in the on call room in 5 :)_

I read the message two times, trying to make sense. When I couldn't, I decided to just do it. I went to the on call room, and tried to open the door but it was locked.

"Edward?" Bella called from the inside.

"Yeah"

"I'll be out in a minute!"

"Okay" I mumbled.

I waited there, like a guard on the door. When it opened, she walked out fixing her dress.

"Sorry, it was the best I could do after a 36 hours shift" she said smiling.

She was wearing a nude color dress, with black heels, and a black purse. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, falling over her shoulder.

"You're great" I said.

"Thanks" she blushed. "Let's go?"

"Yeah"

"What time is your mom expecting us?" she asked as we walked in the elevator.

"Hm… Now" I said looking at my watch. "I'm late"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you late…"

"You didn't. I was late already" I smiled.

"Okay. So…"

"We can go after, is that alright?"

"Yeah, fine" she nodded.

We walked to the parking lot, and I opened the door for her. The drive was silent, just the radio playing. When I turned in my mom's driveway, I frowned.

"What the hell…?" I mumbled parking.

"Ahn, what?" Bella asked.

"The decoration!"

"What about it?" she asked staring at the lights in the house. "It's Christmas time"

"I forgot…" I mumbled. "I totally forgot about Christmas"

"It's almost three weeks away. You'll have time for shopping" Bella said.

I nodded and got out of the car. Alice's car, and Emmett's were there, so the whole family was present. Great. I walked to the other side, and opened the door for Bella. She thanked me, and I took a deep breath before walking to the house. Bella walked beside me, and I was leading her with a hand on the small on her back. When we got to the door, I opened and the smell of food, and sound of laughter was welcoming. I smiled at Bella who seemed tense, and took her coat. I put our coats in the closet and started walking to the living room.

"Mom! Alice?" I called.

"In here!" dad called out loud.

I smiled as I entered in the living room, and they smiled back.

"Hi, honey!" mom said walking to me. She kissed both my cheeks, and like a mom, wiped the lipstick she left.

"How are you, mom?"

"Good, better with you here. Where's your friend!"

I looked behind me, and realized Bella was still in the foyer, fidgeting, nervous. I smiled, and walked to her.

"Come on" I whispered pulling her by the hand.

When we entered in the living room, the mood changed. It was tense. Except Rose and Emmett, who kept smiling, because they didn't know who Bella was.

"Hi" Bella said shyly.

"Hey, I'm Emmett" Emmett said walking to us and extending his hand.

"Bella Swan" she said shaking his hand.

"Ashley's doctor" Rose gasped.

Emmett lost his smile, and Bella pulled her hand away. She took a step back, almost hiding behind me.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have come…" she mumbled.

I turned to face her and shook my head.

"No, you should. I invited you. It's okay" I said. "They are just… shocked"

"I should leave, Edward" she whispered sadly.

That made my mom snap from the haze she was on.

"No!" she exclaimed, "Bella! It' s good seeing you! We're just surprised!"

She pulled Bella to a hug, and Bella relaxed a little. After everyone greeted Bella, they all looked at me, expecting an explanation.

"Ahn, Bella and I… met… in… ahn, I was visiting Ashley's grave. And… Bella goes there frequently too, so…" I shrugged, "We're friends. And she works with me in the hospital…"

"Oh, that's good!" dad said.

"So, you two had plans for today?" Alice asked smiling mischievously.

"Ahn, we were going to visit the grave…" Bella mumbled.

"I'm glad you make company to Edward in those moments. He needs a… friend like you" mom said.

Things were going great. We were chatting, laughing, joking… Until Rose decided to make things tense.

"So since when you two are dating?" she asked me and Bella.

Bella joked on the wine she was drinking, and I had to pat her back. I glared at Rose, who seemed sincere in her confusion. She really thought that Bella and I…

"We're not dating. We're friends" I said.

"Oh, because it looked like…" Alice started.

"We're friends" I cut her off.

Bella finally stopped coughing, but her face was tomato red. I smiled and nudged her.

"Careful your face will set the house on fire" I joked.

She glared at me for a moment, before losing the fight, and letting the smile take over.

"We should get going" she said some time later. "I have work tomorrow morning…"

"Yeah" I said getting up.

We said goodbye, Alice made Bella promise she would pass by the hospital tomorrow to see the babies, and we finally were able to leave.

"It was not that bad, was it?" I asked as I drove away.

"No…" she mumbled, "Except the looks"

"What looks?" I asked.

"Oh. The ones they got when they looked at me. I could see it"

"See what, Bella?"

"Flashbacks, they were having flashbacks. Every time they looked at me, they remembered Ashley" she said sadly.

"That's… not bad" I mumbled.

"It's not nice either. I'm putting them in pain. I told you not to bring me, Edward" she sighed.

I took her hand in mine, and squeezed. "I wanted you there. And in the end, everyone was happy, right? Everyone was happy with you there"

She stayed silent, and when I looked at her she was staring at our hands. I squeezed her hand again, and she squeezed back. She looked up and smiled.

"Thanks" she said quietly.

I smiled back and parked the car. We got out, and she took my hand for help, in the slippery ground. We walked to the grave and once we got there, Bella gasped.

"What?" I asked worried.

"We forgot flowers" she said.

"It's okay. There's enough from the last time you brought flowers" I smiled.

She smiled sadly, and crouched carefully. She took off the dead flowers that were in the grave and wiped some fallen leafs from the gravestone. I crouched next to her, and we stayed silent. It could have been minutes or hours, before I decided to say something.

"She would have loved to meet you" I said quietly. "She would have loved you"

Bella gasped and I looked at her, she had her eyes closed and a frown.

"What?" I asked worried.

She shook her head and got up, walking away. I stood up and followed her.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked desperate.

She shook her head again and pulled away when I tried to grab her arm to stop her.

"Please, tell me what's wrong" I begged.

She stopped and fell on her knees, crying. I crouched next to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She was worrying me. Why was she crying like this? Why now?

"She… I dream of her" she sobbed. "Ashley. That's why I come here. That's why I'm your friend. She makes me. She asks me, begs me…"

"What?" I asked frowning.

"She said you're broken, and I should fix you" she looked at me, and her wet eyes broke my heart. "I tried to say no… And she started to blame me"

"What? Blame you…?"

"Why don't you hate me, Edward? For God's sake! I killed her. She's dead because of me! Be mad! Yell! Scream! Hate me!" she demanded.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

"Stop, Bella. It was not your fault…"

"It was! I should have been more careful. I should have seen her heart… I saw it. I did millions of tests, except the one that mattered"

"Stop, Bella"

"I killed her… I was responsible…"

"Shut up, Bella" I said, she was starting to get on my nerves.

"It's all my fault. She thinks it. You think it too, admit it!"

"Shut up!" I yelled and she did.

I opened my eyes and stared at her teary ones. I sighed and wiped away her tears.

"Why…?"

She cut me off, crushing her lips to mine. It took me a second to recover from the shock, and less than it for me to respond. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer, keeping her there. When we finally broke apart, we were laying on the ground with me on top of her.

"I can't take it anymore" she sighed closing her eyes. "She told me. She warned me. I just couldn't believe. You should be mad at me"

I stared at her, waiting for her to explain. She sighed once more and opened her eyes.

"_Everything happens for a reason_. That's what she tells me. She tells me that from the moment she was born, the moment you started fighting with Tanya… Her fate, die after a car crash, was defined. It would happen anyway. It was supposed to. She had to die" she said and a tear fell, "She says that to me. She says that she needed to die, for you to be happy. She says that if she hadn't died, I would be just a girl you vaguely remember from high school… We wouldn't have met again. And that this is how it should be. Edward and Bella. Ashley would never fit the equation…"

I frowned and pulled away.

"You're saying… My dead daughter appears in your dreams, to tell you she had to die, because I needed to meet you?" I said.

"Edward…"

"That's… sick" I said standing up. "What are you saying? That I can be happier without her?"

"No…"

"Are you insane?"

"Please…" she begged, "I tried to make it a lie. I tried to keep her alive. I tried to make you hate me. I tried to prove she was wrong…"

"She is wrong! It's not possible for me to be happier…"

I gripped my hair tightly and started pacing. She sat in the ground watching me with sad eyes. Fate. Is it real? Ashley was destined to die from the beginning? Because Bella was my fate…?


	13. Chapter 13

"Are you getting _any_ sleep?" I asked as my tired-looking sister welcomed me in her house.

"With two newborns?" she asked rolling her eyes. "Jasper was lucky, had to work tonight, an emergency"

"Alice, he works in the Children's Hospital" I reminded her.

"Okay, maybe not exactly _luck_, since something bad must have happened… But I was alone with the babies" she said.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Sleeping, in their room… Like they should have done during the night" she grumbled sitting down on the couch.

"Yeah, first year is not as nice as people think" I said sitting beside her.

"How have you been? You disappeared the last three weeks. I was worried" she mumbled leaning her head in my shoulder.

"I have been working" I mumbled. "Sorry"

"It's alright… I remembered Bella would keep an eye on you, and it comforted me… How is she by the way?"

I scowled and started flipping through a magazine.

"I don't know" I mumbled.

"Weren't you been going out?"

"We weren't going out. We were just… colleagues" I grumbled.

"Fine… So you must have seen her at the hospital. How is she?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know. Bella hadn't gone to work since that day. Alice took her head from my shoulder and frowned at me.

"Edward, how is Bella?" she asked again.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her"

"What? Not even in the hospital?"

"No, I think she quit or got fired" I said flipping through the magazine, and trying not to frown.

"Edward, what happened?"

"I don't know, Alice"

She grabbed the magazine from me and threw over her shoulder. I turned to face her and she was glaring at me.

"What did you do?" she asked angrily.

I scoffed and stood up. I started to pace around, gripping my hair and she just watched me, expecting her answer.

"She was fucking insane, Alice. Out of her goddamn mind!" I said. "She said Ashley had to die, it was fate, so we would meet! She actually had the audacity to say I would be happy without Ashley! That she would bring me happiness! She said that we couldn't do anything to prevent Ashley's death, because she was destined to die so I would meet her! She was trying to get away from the fault!"

"It wasn't her fault that Ashley died, you know that" Alice said softly. "You don't mean what you're saying"

I stopped pacing and frowned at my sister. She was right. I knew Bella wasn't responsible for Ashley's death. I was just angry and saying the wrong thing.

"She is still insane" I said. "She said Ashley…"

"Tell me something, Edward" Alice interrupted. "She actually said that?"

"Yes, she said Ashley would tell her that…"

"Ashley would tell her?"

"In her dreams. She dreamt about Ashley and she would tell her that" I explained.

"So, Bella didn't say she_ thought_ that. She told you what she dreamt of" Alice said. "She didn't actually think any of that stuff… She was just telling you her _dreams_"

"She subconsciously…"

"Since when you believe dreams have some meaning?" she rolled her eyes. "You never believed in any of that stuff, dreams, horoscope, fortune-tellers…"

"Alice…"

"What did you tell her? What did you say to Bella?" she asked softly.

I looked away as a lump formed in my throat.

"You offended her, didn't you?" she whispered. I nodded. "Dammit, Edward! Do you see what you've done?"

"She was…"

"If you say she was insane, I'll kick your sorry ass, Edward Cullen!" she said angrily and stood up. "Don't you see she was right? Her dreams were actually right"

"Ashley shouldn't have died, _ever_" I snapped.

"No… Ashley shouldn't have died… But let's see if I can open your eyes, stubborn dumbass" Alice said and pushed me down on the couch. "I understand you had your right to grieve, after all she was your daughter. But you spent months acting like… _You were_ _dead_, _Edward_" she said with tears in her eyes. "It was depressing to see you. You were lifeless. We all feared for your health… Dammit, we thought you would kill yourself!"

"Ali…"

"Shut up and let me finish" she snapped wiping her eyes. "Ashley would never want her father to act that way. She would be so disappointed in you. She would want you to move on and search for happiness. She would die all over if she could see you!" she took a deep breath. "I understand your point… Ashley's death was… a fucking mistake, she shouldn't have died, she deserved to live a long and happy life… And I understand that saying she had to die for you to be happy is wrong. But you have to understand, Bella didn't mean that, she was telling you her dreams, probably because she felt guilty for them…

And you _offended_ her. You offended the woman that did everything to keep your daughter alive. You offended the woman that was completely selfless, leaving her home, her job, to help us… A woman who cared not only for Ashley, but for you, me… Everyone! You offended the woman that completely broke down when Ashley died. Do you remember that? She was about to collapse, Edward! Do you honestly think that someone who thought Ashley should die so she could find you would have a major breakdown for Ashley's death? God… She visited her grave frequently. She didn't ask for a penny from us. She felt guilty for Ashley's death, and no matter how many times you assured her, she still felt guilty…

Edward, _she_ was the one that brought you back to_ life_. She was your friend through your grief, understanding you in a way none of us could. She comforted you, she made you smile again. Do you know how relieved we all were when you came back? When you started to heal? She was a savior for you and all family"

She stopped and wiped away her tears. I could just watch her as she made me realize everything I had done to my family while grieving, how much more I had made them suffer.

"So… Tell me how the Ashley in Bella's dreams was wrong. Because you said she told you that Ashley said Bella would make you happy. Bella brought you back to life. Bella brought you some happiness. So, tell me how Ashley was wrong" she sat in the coffee table and took my hands. "Open your eyes, Edward. Bella suffered Ashley's death as much as you… She was ten times the mother Tanya could never be in that short time. She connected to Ashley and you in a way that I don't completely understand, and yet, I know it was right, even if did break her when she couldn't save Ash…"

I remembered how Bella cried the day Ashley cried, how she cried before confessing her dreams. How broken she was. She had been my support while grieving, and I hadn't seen how much she was suffering too. I had only seen glimpses of the pain when I saw she felt guilty for Ashley's death.

"Edward" my eyes met Alice's and she gave me a weak smile. "Do you understand? Do you see now? Bella's dreams were only telling her what was obvious. She was already making you happy, she was already fixing your heart… She just didn't truly understand.

You offended her. I do not know what you said to her, but whatever it was, must have hurt her deeply. You need to fix things, Edward"

I nodded and her smile widened a little. She rolled her eyes, stood up and tugged on my hands.

"_Now_, Edward" she urged me.

I stood up, kissed her forehead, ran out of the house into my car, and went to fix things.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for taking so long to update… I didn't know what to do about this story.<strong>

**I hope you like this chapter.**

**Please REVIEW, tell me what you think… It gives me inspiration.**

**Also, I will start to recommend other stories in my ANs, so…**  
><strong>My first recommendation is:<strong>

**_Five Dates_ by xx-twilight7-xx  
><strong>**Summary: Bella Swan, a love-weary, uptight florist has a theory. Five dates with one man and then she moves on before the romance does. What happens when she meets a romantically challenged Edward Cullen, who challenges her theory?**

**If you check it out, I hope you like it :)**

**xoxo Luuh**


	14. WARNING, PLEASE READ

**AS MUCH AS I LOVE WRITING STORIES, IT IS A BIT STRESSFUL AND TIME-CONSUMING.**

**I HAVE RECEIVED A LOT OF COMPLAINTS ABOUT SOME STORIES – THE WRITING, THE PLOT, THE CHARACTERS – AND I KNOW IT'S ANNOYING THAT I START A LOT OF STORIES AND DON'T FINISH THEM. **

**I THINKG THAT NEXT YEAR, MY FREE TIME WILL BE SHORTENED, SO I WON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO DO THIS ANYMORE. BUT IF I DO, I'LL KEEP WRITING AS MUCH AS I CAN. **

**BUT FOR NOW, I'M GONNA TAKE OFF SOME STORIES THAT ARE BOTHERING ME AND SOME READERS. _SHINING SUN_ AND _SUNSPOT_ ARE PROBABLY GOING TO BE TAKEN OFF, SINCE THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT BOTHER ME THE MOST AND I'M NOT PLANNING ON REWRITTING THEM NOW. **

**I'VE CREATED A POLL SO YOU ALL CAN VOTE ON WHICH STORIES SHOULD GO. **

**THE POLL WILL BE OPEN FOR A MONTH, BY DECEMBER 16TH FIVE STORIES WILL BE TAKEN OFF THE SITE. **

**PLEASE, VOTE TO HELP ME DECIDE :S**

**THANK YOU, **

**Luuh**


	15. BURNING DIAMONDS AWARDS - READ AND VOTE

**Hello my dear readers!**

First of all, I want to thank you all for the dedication, for coming back to read and reviewing... you've helped me write all my stories.

_*clears throat*_ Let me prepare my speech...

I'm so happy to announce that for the first time I was nominated for an award in the fanfiction world! \o/

**THE BURNING DIAMOND AWARDS**

Yesterday, it was announced I was nominated for **BEST STEFAN! **

_**Bella's Diary**_ definitely is my favorite, most dear, loved fic I've wrote. I admit I'm a bit biased but I do agree my Stefan is the best :P just kidding.

In the category, I'm running against emeraldphoenix23 (Buried Secrets 2: Blood), LoveToday15 (Queen of Kings), Mickibelle (The Natural In Supernatural), MysticEyesx (Dark Awakenings) and fanpire95 (The Reunion). All are amazing authors, I had already read most of those stories, I'm definitely going to check out the rest. You can also vote for Best Drama, Best Suspense, Best Kiss, Best Love Scene, Romance, Villain, Friendship, Bella, Damon, Elena, Suporting Character, Family Dynamic, Dynamic, Plot Twist, Slash, Series, Unsuspected/Unique Pairing, Overall Favorite Story and Author and Break-Through Author.

I can even express how thankful I am for my Stefan's nomination. No, I don't want to be dramatic, I just really don't know what to say. Stefan was the character that came most naturally, I didn't have to work much on him. He is perfect, I like to think I just highlighted that perfection :P

So, please, **VOTE!**

link:

crossoverawards . blogspot . com

Thank you all.

I promise an update will come soon.

xoxo Luuh

**VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!**


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